Name:Alina Country:United States State:Maryland Metro:Montgomery County Birthday:6/3/1988 Gender:Female
Interests:I'm just a strange, possibly even eccentric, girl, trying to make her way through life. Give me a good book, good music, good people and I'm happy. Oh. and good food. I love star wars, my friends and having as much fun as possible. Expertise:Writing....An expert at being short, lazy, and getting squished by poison mangos :-D Breaking out into songs that fit the situation. Life is a musical! Occupation:Student Industry:Geology, English
I've been pretty cynical as of late, with the "dating scene" being as difficult and frustrating as it is. But talking to my mom this morning I realized that deep down I am still a die hard romantic. I believe in love, true love, in being swept of your feet, of spending the rest of your life with the person that you love. Love is so beautiful, no one should ever give up on it. Today, I let all the people whom I love dearly know that. Not because I'm expecting anything from them, but because I love them. And everyone deserves to hear that.
So Happy Valentines Day everyone. Go and enjoy today. Spend it with your family, your friends, your sweetheart, the people you love.
I feel the need to write but, as usual, I have nothing to write about. Nothing insightful for meaningful much less controversial.
Actually, do you know whats been bothering me lately? Just how hypocritical people can be. Of course we all are. Its just part of being human. But I feel like some people take it to a whole other level. The people that I'm currently having issues with are those who are so... in denial about their shallow selves. I can sit here and write quite unashamedly that I am shallow. Hopelessly shallow. The first thing I notice about people is how they look. If they're attractive I'm more likely to think better of them. Doesn't mean I'll talk to them (I'm usually intimidated by really good looking people) but if I do I'm more likely to be nice and open. Some commenter on the mancouch post "What's the first thing a guys notices about a woman?" said wouldn't it be nice if just noticed her? But what does he mean about that? Its not like you're going to see her shining, kind, blah blah blah personality from across the damn room. You're gonna notice her ass, her long lovely legs, her muffin top, huge tits. The first thing you see when you see someone is their outside. Isn't her body part of her? Do you disagree? So naturally, seeing as how thats the first thing you know about her (or anyone), thats what you go by and what you judge.
Now, what bugs me is that so many women AGREED with this fellow. Oh yes, he should see her, what an amazing comment, why can't more guys be like you, and other crap. THIS is why so many women constantly are upset by men. They have these silly unrealistic expectations that men will see their "inner beauty" instead of the boobs they're baring the first time they meet. I do not understand why these girls just can't come to terms with the fact that people are shallow. And not just men. Women too. I honestly think that women may be even more shallow then men. I know I am. Hell, I judge everyone, men, women, old, young, and everything inbetween. And let me just say, I'm not nice about it. Sure, maybe I'm not that good looking myself. I wonder what others say about me. But whatever. At least I know myself and I don't lie about who I am.
Take for example, the theoretical question that pops up every so often on Datingish or Lovelyish. the one where your SO gains weight, or you find this great guy who isn't attractive. The resounding answer is "Looks don't matter, I like his personality." And maybe, just maybe, some are telling the truth. But lets be realistic. Yes, if your SO gained weight you'd stick around. You've already invested time and emotions into this relationship. It would last. Till you lost sexual desire. Say all you want that the physical isn't important, I will disagree whole heartedly. If the sexual attraction is gone, then its just a friendship. So back to our scenario. The sexual desire is gone. Sex life (meaning all sexual activites not limited to sex) decreases. You start getting... bored for lack of a better word. Discontent. Eventually, you'll call it quits. Or of course you tell your SO that he's getting fat and you don't like it. In which case he'll be emmasculated and despise you and you'll break up eventually anyway. Cynical? I don't think so. Just realistic.
As for the other little scenario. Sure you meet this great guy. To steal words from Vertical Horizon, He's everything you want, he's everything you need... but he means nothing to you and you don't know why. Well, I know why. Cause he's not attractive and you aren't attracted to him in the least. Thus, no romantic feelings.
I just think that people need to stop pretending that they're so damn GOOD and ACCEPTING when really they aren't. People are shallow. get over it. its life.
why can't people just be fucking straight with me. are you interested or not. do you want to hang out or not. dont give me shitty fucking excuses and just avoid me and do this shit. i can take it like a big fucking girl if you dont want to see me anymore thats fucking fine i'll stop bugging you just fucking let me know. jesus fucking christ its not that fucking difficult. then i wont have to deal with trying to figure out if i should call or not or talk to you or if i should keep my distance and shit. im sick of this shit fucking sick of it. fuck.
and now i feel like shit all over again. i just never get a damn break.
http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"> name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"> name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"> name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12">from facebook. i actually decided to write semi serious things down and elaborate a bit stead of just putting down silly things.
1. I love food. I really really love food. I like different flavors and textures and mixing everything to get something different. Experimenting with cooking is a way i express that. I find it fun, relaxing and rewarding in the end.
2. I wish I was more Indian. I don't speak hindi or any other Indian language and it bothers me. I am Indian and I know and understand the culture, I've got a lot of it at home but I still often feel very out of place when I'm with other indians.
3. Singing is one of my favorite things to do. I am pretty shameless about it and sing every chance i get; in my car with the volume and bass way up, in the shower, in my room, walking to school, karaoke. I miss kdc and my good friends from high school because we'd burst out into song all the time, any where, any time.
4. I have a really terrible memory. Its not that things aren't important to me, i honestly just forget things all the time. Dates, times things are due, even plans i've made on occasion.
5. I often overlap plans that i've made with people and end up rushing from one thing to another. I'm very bad at time management and its gotten me in to messes. I do this quite a bit when i'm at home. I always feel like I have the whole world to see and i try to make time for everyone but im not very good at it.
6. Fall Out Boy may be lame and may be mainstream but I love them. For some reason there is something about their music, the harmonies, the catchy tunes, his voice that just draws me in and has captured me. Not to mention that the lyrics pretty much say what i cant. FOB is the soundtrack of my life.
7. Flirting gives me a high. When i find a boy that I can carry on banter with, a back and forth, witty repartee I know that I grin (probably like an idiot), laugh and have the most fun. I treat it a little like a competition, always trying to one up what was said before but it is a most enjoyable competition.
8. I still think of Kathleen but not often anymore. I loved her and cared so deeply for her. But now that time has passed i've really finally and truly come to peace with it. Her death shaped who I am today, at this very moment. I have an understanding of death, an appreciation of life and no tolerance for those who dont.
9. I can be... selective in my truth telling. Sometimes I don't tell people everything because I am afraid how they will react to it. It's come back to bite me, not telling people AND telling people that i had a feeling i shouldn't have.
10. I think that handwritten letters are the most romantic gesture. Not only romantic as in love romantic, but romantic as in old world. I've written a few myself and I find that everything I write is always true and comes from my heart.
11. Boys pants are the best because they have actual pockets and when i can, i wear them. Even thoughi'm trying to be more... girly (and my mom got rid of most of mine), I still love boys pants. and boxers.
12. I have some of the most amazing people in the world as my friends and I really do not think I deserve them most of the time. I love them so much.
13. On that note, I am constantly in genuine awe of my sister and brother. I have never met two people so smart and talented as they are and i am so proud to be their sister.
14. My mom is now less my mother and more a best friend and I couldn't be happier.We've come so far from where we used to be and I wouldn't trade where we are for the world.
15. I love the level of comfort i feel when im naked. there are some things that I could be nit-picky about when it comes to my body but i really am so comfortable being nude. I especially love the closeness of being naked with someone else. maybe thats a little strange but I feel like it brings people together.
16. I've got a rescuing complex. I often times feel the need to rescue people, to take care of them, to be needed. On the other hand, I've vowed to not get myself involved in relationships like that because of the disastrous results that have come to be before.
17.Really dirty, degrading lyrics, and dirty hot hot beats gets me worked up. For reference think Eminem's Superman, or most things by Tech N9ne and HED P.E. Even a few songs by Korn (though their beats are exactly made for dancing).
18. Dancing, oh dancing. Perhaps the one way I really just let it all go. I love dancing, feeling the music is like liquid fire running through my veins. I can close my eyes and just get transported to this place where i don't care what people think and where i can just be free. Its a little bit of ecstasy.
19. In reference to 18, sex is like that too. being sexual comes pretty naturally to me for some reason and i thrive on sexuality. I give in to my body quite easily but i'm learning restraint. I can afford to be picky.
20. I am often really bad at expressing myself verbally. In writing I can express myself better but through touch is the best way i express myself. course... i don't think many people really understand that.
21. If there was a zombie apocalypse (or any other dire drastic world crisis) I know I would be the type of person to suddenly come out of my shell and take charge. I work really well in emergencies; i keep a level head, i'm logical, and i think fast. In real life... I'm not so cool.
22. Reading is my escape from reality.I get so immersed is books that I start thinking and talking about the characters as if they were real people. Plus sci fi and fantasy world are just SO much better then the real world.I used to wish that I was in a fantasy world and a warrior, where everything was pretty clear. I'd have a sword and a horse and a close group of friends with whom i'd battle evil.
23.I love Star Wars. This plays into my escapism I suppose, and maybe its a little silly but I want to be part of that world so badly. I haven't read any of the books in years but it is still my first love.
24. I've been boy crazy since i was... 4. And its still not gone and i really dont think it will ever be. I love objectifying men, looking, postulating, imagining.I also like manly men. Cowboys, Han Solo types, Wolverine types. Guys that I can drink with and not beat, guys that i CAN'T beat at anything. I like to feel feminine so manly guys it is. I've also got a sort of a fetish for blonde over blue, not to say its a deciding factor. All (well, most) of my favorite characters in books, shows, movies, etc, are male. The ultimate man... Rhett Butler. I will always be in love with him.
25. I'm learning, slowly, to love myself. I'm not that amazing or unique of a person, i'm not terribly talented at anything, I'm not that smart, but i've got a huge imagination, i enjoy life, i am a genuinely caring person, i'm forgiving and i try to be understanding most of the time. I can be happy with that i think.
You know, I should have listened to a good friend when I was warned, but now I've gone and made a complete fool of myself. I was swept away but the sweetness of a little intimacy and its come to naught. Again. Its so frustrating that there is just something about me that can hook them well enough but never ever reel them in. I feel like I'm debasing myself for even trying and really, I'm trying too hard. Its pathetic that I'm still craving... something. And I've proven myself to be an idiot, just waiting around for a call that isn't going to come.
What is even more pathetic is that I feel so hopeless right now. I shouldn't care, and its not that I care about the fellow, but that I've allowed this to happen in the first place. I just desire closeness too much, and I'm sure it shows but I just bask and flourish in it. I always have my biggest and brightest smiles when my heart is tripping after someone. I realize that I haven't spent all of my self-prescribed time alone yet but for a moment, I thought that I didn't need to. And now I'm feeling that if I do, I'm never going to be able to get back in the field as I do not know how to play this game at all.
It was clearly a case of "hes just not that into you" which I suppose is fine but begs the question why the fuck not. Maybe it is conceited of me to even begin thinking like that but I can't help it. What is wrong with me that he didn't like me in the same fashion as I did him. Perhaps I was just too forward, too... available, as my mother likes to put it. It frustrates me. To no end. And it is incredibly disheartening. I'm feeling how I was before I went home; this anxiousness to not be here, to be home with the people I know and love. Not among these strangers where I have to constantly prove myself and just try and try and try. I'm already tired of it.
